(Simple pictures of Day 3 in Vienna)

Today, Caitie and I got adventurous. First we walked from the hotel to SchoenBruen Schloess. If you find yourself in Vienna, you need to make the trip. You also need to NOT walk there from downtown. It was hot as ----, and the footpath that runs along another Viennese canal from KarlPlatz to SchoenBruen is devoid of anything interesting at which to look. The best sight on the way there was a Burger King (which was plastered with posters of the European Football (not soccer, but american football) league. weird, eh?).

As terrible (not that terrible, it was just a bit long and boring) as the walk to SchoenBruen Schloess was, it was well worth it. The palace and its grounds are absolutely ginormous. I mean huge. There is no way that the pictures will convey the sheer size of the place . Of course, this affords the perfect opportunity for a short panoramic film:. The landscaping (it should be referred to as landscape architecture or something as grandiose as its appearance) is also maintained in the most beautiful and intricate gardens. As expansive as Schoen Bruen's grounds are, the gardens are still tended with the finest details. The flower beds you see in these pictures are lined with miniature hedges that stand 4 or 5 inches tall. I'd estimate that there are 500 yards of these hedge rows, and they must be trimmed with scissors, because they are too tiny for clippers. The amount of labor to maintain the place is mind-boggling, and somehow, adds to the perceived beauty of the place. Lending further mystique are the "new" landscape elements, which I think have been growing since the end of WWII. These include the impressive tree arches that run in almost all directions from the palace .

In the distance, atop a massive hill, sits the Glorietta -- a monument built by the Empress to celebrate ... herself and her reign. The Glorietta serves no functional purpose whatsoever. It is, as I have said before, purely decorative. It is the architectural equivalent of kitsch, except it cost a fortune and probably a few lives to construct. Despite the complete lack of purpose, the Glorietta is still a beaut and provides a commanding view of the palace and the surrounding city .

Of course, Emperors are notoriously difficult to entertain. So, besides the jaw-dropping beauty of the formal gardens and the Glorietta, replete with miles of horse-trotting paths, you need to have diversions to really have proper a palace. I'm talking shrubberies formed into mazes
. But not even a collection of lawn mazes would suffice. What you really need is a full-blown zoo, an Imperial Zoo actually.

The Imperial Zoo at ScheonBruen Schluss deserves a day to itself. They have everything from rodents of unusual size to reindeer to a rhinoceros . They have both kinds of buffalo: american and water . There is a selection of "BigCats" and freaking huge bugs. There's a family of hedge hogs , a jack-ass , other large rodents , two camels , a still wider array of large rodents , barking seals that dive for fish snacks , black bears , brown bears , polar bears , small penguins, emperor penguins , and a free-range peacock .

As amazing as the variety of animals is, nothing, and I mean nothing prepares you for the walk-in "Rain Forest". A giant three-story greenhouse filled with flora, fauna, and hot steam. As we walked into the display, Caitie and I remarked how wonderful it was to be able to get close to the animals. We marveled at how well designed and engineered the entire facility was, how ingeniously the architects of this wonderland had crafted displays that managed to protect the animals, the visitors, and still bring the two as close together as possible. Brand new, we immediately appreciated the same aesthetic and design in the Rain Forest exhibit. We saw tadpoles ("look they are on a branch by your head!"), we saw turtles ("I could practically touch his shell!"), and then we saw this sign: .

"It says be very quiet," I offered to Caitie, who began to detect that something had gone amiss with the Rain Forest exhibit. Seems like a pretty typical warning in a zoo right? Sort of along the same lines as: please don't tap on the glass, or don't feed the gorillas. They post these sort of things to avoid liability suits, and to provide an excuse for ejecting unruly and obnoxious park-guests. To the right of the sign was a double layer door made from strips of hanging plastic, which resembled a car wash exit.

The entrance looked harmless enough. Maybe there was more mist inside, that they were trying to hold back? Maybe there are cooler temperatures? Still, the sign was in very large red letters, and my German is far from fluent. So, Caitie and I decided to wait for a group of native speakers to go first. A gaggle of Austrians, stepped into the gap and took a long hard look at the sign. Said the mother Austrian: "BrillenBlattNasen?" "Sie sind sehr kleiner" replied the Father Austrian. In went the whole family. No noise, no problems. So Caitie and I decided to go ahead. As we pulled back the door covers, I heard a familiar sound -- a kind of flapping, swooshing sound. Then, right in our faces, that god awful black fluttering, flittering, f-ing horrible shape of leathery wings. Then, in an impressive stage whisper, Caitie alerted the entire zoo:

THERE ARE BATS IN HERE!!!!!!

And we dove backward out of the "Fledermausehohle" or in english "Bat Cave".

At this point we took a nearby elevator, which allegedly lead to the nearest exit. The elevator doors opened on the open air level, where you can enjoy close views of the animals that live in the "canopy" of the rainforest. Guess what lives in jungle canopies?
GIANT BATS . The elevator plants you eye to eye with the biggest flying rodents in creation. Caitie ran in every direction at once, and disappeared out the door. At this point I returned to photograph the sign, and took the time to look up some key words in the german-english dictionary.

The sign reads in full (and you have to say this in your head with the voice of the kid in Sixth Sense saying "I see dead people"):

ATTENTION
NEW ANIMALS!

PLEASE BE EXTREMELY QUIET!

Here live Seba's Short-tail (flying mouse, or bat) and you are the guest not the host.

I hung around for a few minutes, to see what other "guests" thought of these "hosts". The patrons of the Imperial Zoo hail from all over the world, and speak many, many different languages. However, all humans (except apparently Austrians, all of whom did not flinch in the face of a Fledermausenhole) run in place waving their arms, and make precisely the same sound when the first realize that they are in a confined space with bats: wahooohahahahahaeeee!

So, with that adrenaline rush, we headed for the Zoo exits and home. Of course, we got one more picture of a very large (non-winged) rodent .

(If you want, skip all the chit-chat and see all the Vienna Day 2 pictures).

Caitie and I decided to just walk around Wien today, and see what we could see. We walked around the RingeStrasse, and then through the StadtPark. It was a pretty quiet way to spend the afternoon. We took pictures of a neat staircase that runs, fairly treacherously, down to the StadtPark's Canal . We also continue to be amused by the apparent absurdity of all public notices in German . The Viennese also have a deep love for their cars. Nearly all the taxis are Mercedes, and I have never seen so many Bentleys and Porsches. Our hands down favorite, though, was a vintage Jaguar parked on the street by the hotel . After the StadtPark, we decided to hoof it up the hill to Belvedere, which is behind SchwarzenbergPlatz. The SchwarzenbergPlatz has quite a bit of nice architecture and a slick fountain. The fountain stands in front of a massive stone monument to the Russian liberation of Vienna. The monument is a unique curiosity in Vienna, since the entire tribute is written in Russian.

The walk to Belvedere is a bit long (though it makes for a terrific run), but the view of the palace over the reflecting pool is well worth it . Caitie and I thought about checking into the Belvedere hotel, but had some trouble with our key... just kidding . The front of Belvedere is magnificent, and the rear stretches out in long formal gardens, which are still beautiful, despite their state of reconstruction .
On the way home, we walked passed KarlPlatz, home to a gorgeous church and associated museum .

Finally, the Germans may have Hasselhoff, but the Austrians will always have ... ... Toto.

Just see the pictures, or read some drollery too:

Touring through Vienna is like traveling through time. But, you aren't sent backward; you are hurtled forward. Everything you have ever heard or seen of Vienna is from long ago: Mozart, Strauss, the Austrian Empire, assassination, invasion, occupation, liberation. But the overwhelming feeling of the city is modernity mixed seamlessly with the antique, even quaint surroundings. Vienna exudes the same quality that defines the view to mid-town Manhattan, looking south from Central Park. Your eye can't avoid the contrast: in the foreground trees and grass; in the distance the heights of mid-town. Here in Vienna, you literally feel the passage of time. Standing at the gates of Belvedere-Garten, you're likely to see an ultra-modern Viennese trolley swish quietly over the streets. The architecture in StephanPlatz ranges from Medieval to Bauhaus. The continuity between old and new is so seamless, yet so vivid, you practically feel the centuries rushing past. It is as though you can see all 8 centuries of Viennese history simultaneously.

As usual, Caitie did an extraordinary amount of planning and booked us into the finest hotel in Austria -- the Hotel Imperial. Our rooms were well-appointed to the point of absurdity. I don't think we really needed the curtains for the already extraneous lighting over the bed . The hotel had a similarly luxuriant lobby, in full baroque style. The best part of the lobby are the private sitting booths , and the wait-service, who will bring you anything from the Cafe Imperial. The Cafe is located in the ground floor (Austrians, Germans, and Swiss insist on calling the lowest level ground, and the next story the first floor).

The orginal center of Vienna (Wien in German) had walls. Sometime in the 1800s, the denizens of Wien decided that the walls, while decorative, served no purpose (much like the tasseled pillows provided by the Imperial Hotel). So, the walls were razed and replaced with the wide avenues of the RingeStrasse. The RingeStrasse provides a remarkably convenient and intuitive means of navigating the central district of the city. It also makes for a nice walk . Near to the Hotel Imperial is the Kartner Ringe, which is the section of the RingeStrasse that intersects with Kartner Strasse. Kartner Strasse is sort of the 5th Avenue of Vienna, loaded with shops and cafes, ultimately leading to the most famous square in Vienna -- StephanPlatz. StephanPlatz is home to St. Stephen's Church, which began construction in the middle ages and has pretty much remained under construction since. The most drammatic work happened in the 1950's following the devastating fires that decimated St. Stephan's during WWII.

The collision and new and old is particularly vivid in StephanPlatz, where you can see the reflection of St. Stephan's in the ultra-modern office building recently added to the square . The top floor of the new building is home to the quintessential Euro bar, Do&Co.

The roof of the church is supposedly modeled after a persian rug, and is rendered in colorful ceramic tiles . The real treasures are inside. For a few Euro, you can take the extended audio tour, and hear some preety elaborate tales of the church's construction . My personal favorites are the self-portraits of the master builders that originally created the cathedral. Hidden like Easter eggs in the baroque details, the portraits of now anonymous craftsman appear to carry the weight of St. Stephen's on their shoulders or peak out from behind false windows . You could say it is baroque graphitti.

St. Stephen's has two towers, a north (has the bell) and a south (taller). The south tower is currently under construction, but you can take an elevator to the top of the north tower, which affords a view of the whole city . Caitie dubbed the North Tower trip the "tour of all spatial phobias". You must first squeeze into a ludicrously small and hot elevator. For some unknown reason, this tiny device was upolstered with leather on the interior. I suppose the idea was to make it comfortable, a sort of vertical couch (yup, that is a double Freudian pun, and yes I have been planning it for a few days), but it just reminded us of a coffin. Claustrophobia? check. You also make this lovely trip up with at least 10 other passengers, who are, of course, sweaty close-talkers. Agoraphobia? Check.

Next, the tiny elevator opens abruptly to a grated platform, providing a perfect view straight down to the plaza. Acrophobia? Done. Finally, you climb steel stairs (lightening crossed my mind, and at this point my feet and hands were sweating so profusely I was sure my sandals would fly off and through the open staircase) to a open platform. Vertigo, thanks. Finally, as if to remind you that gravity will send you crashing down, there is an elaborate display of the St. Stephen's bell, and a recounting of how it fell through the church during the WWII fire . More amazing, the original bell was cast from the melted-down remnants of Turkish Canon's from the failed Turkish siege of Vienna.

Safely descended and decompressed, Caitie and I had a few libations at Do&Co before venturing further. Our next stop was the StadtPark (City Park), where Johann Strauss debuted his now famous compositions. J. Strauss is immortalized in sculpture and his musical genre of choice is immortalized in kitschy signage and sophmoric jokes .

It being the 200th anniversary of Mozart's birth, and J. Strauss being Vienna's favorite son, it was easy to (temporarily) forget Herr Beethoven, but he too has dedicated statuary .

On our way to the Imperial Palace, we ran across this literal collision of architectural movements: .

On the plus side, the Austrian Imperial Family enjoyed the world's finest homes . On the downside, they were pretty much all assassinated. In 1914, Franz Ferdinand, the then Crown Prince of the Empire, was assassinated, providing the flashpoint for WWI. The actual car and blood-soaked cape of the prince are on display in a Viennese museum. Unfortunately, Caitie found a trip to see those artifacts too unsavory.

Instead we toured the Imperial Palace itself. We strolled around the palace, starting with the greenhouse and visiting the Imperial apartments where Franz Ferdinand's father and mother lived. The apartments are chock-a-bock full of antiquities, which are not to be photographed. My personal favorite were the giant (14-20ft tall) fireplaces, which were enamled and were fed from hidden hallways that ran between the walls of the Imperial apartments. This way, wood chips, soot, and dirty laborers were kept out of the Emporer's presence.

Well, the internet connection in the room is not working, and apparently my charger is on the fritz, because I only have 8% of my battery life remaining. So, until I figure that out, I can only post the pictures of our first day.

Tamale has open sourced another useful library, monju, this time for nagios monitoring of JMX components and other JBoss internals.

Tamale has sponsored a design challenge for the CsIL open source library.